Smoke filled the house. Heavy black darkness filled the house and me, settled in sticky muck around my nose, my mouth. Darkness filled my lungs and settled there, suffocating me. But I didn’t know. I wasn’t aware of the toxic air stealing my air, my life. I was asleep and oblivious to the darkness overwhelming me.
But there was a child, a mere infant who saved me.
The son was awake and aware and he cried out. He cried out over and over again until his voice pierced the darkness. He pierced the darkness and overpowered it, waking me, saving me.
Years pass. Life limps on. I’m asleep. I’m oblivious to the life renewed, to the one who saved me. There is only Self and that darkness that lingers like a late day shadow long and distorted. There is Self and situations and circumstances. Self and lusts and longings. Self and the allure of Darkness’s deception of something better, something else.
But there was a child, a mere infant who became a boy who stayed near, who watched over me, who loved me because that’s all he could do.
Self settled in with Darkness, called it partner. Friend. There was only Self and Darkness so thick there was no room for anything else. Self said “I”. Darkness said “me”. Together they danced a deceptive embrace that slowly settled in, suffocated out; self-centered lovers oblivious to anything or anyone or the light lingering like dawn.
But there was a child, a mere infant who became a man who came and took Self from Darkness, who claimed me His and took me away, away from Darkness and Self and offered me Light and Hope and New Life. The infant who’d become a man offered this girl all these things though I didn’t deserve them, hadn’t earned them, had ignored him and his son’s forever-love.
And when Light seeps in to darkness it glistens on Hope, illuminates New Life and all you can do is stand there in awe, eyes and mind and heart gaping because there’s nothing else left of you. You’re standing there broken and drained of all good things and disbelieving of the love still standing there right beside you despite your Self.
And you’re standing there realizing and learning and absorbing and it overwhelms you this love so deep and vast and unending, this selfless love, this love you never earned or deserve and all you can do is let your knees buckle and fall down and fall away. Let Self fall away and let Love seep in and settle over you; let if fill you full up with goodness so big and wide and a gratitude so full there’s no room for Darkness.
When a son saves you all you can do is better. There is no rewinding and no redoing. There is no taking back. But there is starting over. There is here and now and tomorrow and Hope. There is Light and Hope and a chance to do better. To be better. To live a life worthy of a Son’s salvation.
When a son saves you all you can do is love Him. And love. Love like He’s loved you.
The Lord your God will circumcise your hearts and the hearts of your descendants, so that you may love him with all your heart and with all your soul, and live.
Deuteronomy 30:6 (NIV)