{Five Minute Friday} – RISK

 

When she left I swore I’d never make a friend again. It was too painful, too degrading her leaving. I questioned every part of myself, everything I’d ever said and done. It was such a shock. I thought I could trust her. I did. I let my guard down, left my heart on my sleeve and let her see all of me. That was my mistake, unveiling the truth of who I am, how I am. I’d not make that mistake again.

Truth be told, I know now I was too much for her, the sharing too great. My disabilities and flaws, needs and expectations were far too much for a woman fighting her own battles. She wanted a friend, not the role of savior. Fixer. Redeemer. I get that now. But now is too late and the wound of her leaving runs too deep. Seeping. Raw. I won’t make that mistake again.

Friends are too great a risk. Now I keep people at a distance, far beyond my personal space. I’m cautious, leery. I’m downright afraid I’ll say too much, open too wide, let a glimpse sneak past. So I speak little, merely surface platitudes that keep me safe. Really, I wall myself up at home, within my own skin. It’s the only place I’m safe, the risk the least. I’ll not make the same mistake again.

But.

Jesus.

I remember the despised holy man who loved the worst of us anyway, a matter of course. Naturally. Innately. I remember the ridiculed son of God who spoke the truth openly, freely, without reserve or regret. I remember Glory’s flesh fully aware of his certain risk: beaten death. I think of his blood-soaked sweat and ragged tears begging for release. Yet, in the end, he went anyway. Willingly. We were always the risk worth taking.

 

 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:34-35)

 

14 thoughts on “{Five Minute Friday} – RISK

  1. What a powerful word, Brenda. It takes such effort to remember that we are loved despite. Your words here hit hard and powerfully. How often have I prided myself in thinking “she needs me!” … no. Everyone needs Jesus. THANK YOU, for this today.

  2. I started this week praying for one of our daughters and realized pretty quickly that she was believing a lie about who she was. Over the next few days, God flooded me with memories of a time when I too had a friend. We met during one of the hardest times of my life since I had become a Christian. I was reading my bible, participating in bible study, praying, believing I was doing what God wanted me to do, but I was totally unaware that my own stronghold-my belief that my worth was wrapped up in others’ need of me- was about to consume my entire life. My baby moved to another state and had a husband to care for her. I had absolutely no idea what my new purpose was. And then there she was. A beautiful Christian woman that loved the Lord, was active in bible study, was God’s provision for me in my loneliness and my new-found purpose. She needed me. I was sure of it!
    But she didn’t. She only needed Jesus and I got in the way. Pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall. I fell. I retreated. Never to return. A sin too great to forgive.
    It’s no surprise The God Who Sees You brought your friend to mind this week. You are pure gold. The world needs your light, your transparency, your truth.

    • Thank you for sharing this story, Dawn, and for such a thoughtful and encouraging reply. I appreciate it so much. I’m discovering my story is not at all unique, but even more that my Lord is the only one who truly sees me, the only one who can deliver me. (I smiled when I saw you used El Roi- The One Who Sees Me. It’s my tender-hearted favorite.)

  3. When you truly see me,
    will you run away?
    Oh, what a friend you’d truly be
    if you would but stay!
    I am now disfigured,
    and my voice comes through my hands,
    but my soul has been transfigured
    by the One who understands,
    and if you will just wait a while,
    and sit with me a spell,
    I think that I might make you smile
    with hand-stories that I tell
    of the God who has it all,
    but hearkens to each sparrow’s fall.

  4. Thank-you for sharing your painful experience–a reminder to us all to be compassionate listeners, leaning on the Lord’s guidance in friendship. As humans we are prone to hurt and be hurt. We need Jesus.

    • You’re so right, Carol. We (I) need Jesus desperately. He’s the one who heals the wounds and weeds out the bitterness. And, most of all, loves us unconditionally. Which is what teaches us to love others the same.

  5. I agree, it’s hard to move on and take the risk to reach out again when we’ve been hurt. Often it’s only possible because of Jesus. I’m glad God encouraged me to take the risk to become part of a new church and to open up to the community there. It was a huge step because of a hurtful situation at a previous church but it has blessed me more than I could ever have imagined and I’m glad I took the risk.

  6. As I began to read I thought “oh no – she is truly not shutting down”! She has so much to give when she is open and transparent, we all do have so much to give when transparent. We don’t just blab to everyone, because everyone can’t understand but there are those who we can trust, and forgive and have patience with. And the story does end with a good ending, with Jesus – always with Jesus.

I welcome your thoughts...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s