{Five Minute Friday} – DEEP

This week’s 5-minute free write for the fiveminutefriday challenge: DEEP

 

 

I don’t have to wonder about my purpose, though I do anyway. I argue myself over it, second-guessing its accuracy, its validity. I’m David too small, Moses too shy of word. I’m Jonah, reluctant and scared and looking for a way out. I argue for something easier, something less painful, something not so scouring like a rusty spoon digging deep within me. It’s in my deep darkness where the story lies, a story I tucked away over years and hurts and scarring results. It’s a story so deeply embedded it’s become the marrow of my being, a mutation in my DNA. The story has changed me, cultivated a hesitation, bred a tougher skin and hardened my heart. This me… this me is changed, stiff and jaded. Guarded. This me can stand her ground and protect her own. But God says now I must let it go, that skin kilned like armor. Take it off. He tells me it’s time to let my scars show. God says it’s time to mine the traumas, to bring them into the light. He asks me, “What have I done?” He says to me, “Tell them.” He says the time has come. He says I must move from the safety of the shallow places out into the deep where my words cast a net drawing others to Him. He’s told me before. He’s told you. He’s told us to become fisher of men. This can only happen out in the deep places, places we’re afraid to go. But if we remember, if we believe, we know the one who walks on water, the one who never leaves.

 When [Jesus] had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch.” (Luke 5:4 NIV)