{Five Minute Friday} – Testimony

FMF is a weekly prompt based free writing exercise hosted by the fiveminutefriday.com community. It’s a great way to stretch the mind and those weak writing muscles, especially if you’ve been lethargic a while. Like me.

 

 

Somewhere in the book of Revelation, a verse talks about how we overcome the enemy by the blood of the lamb and the words of our testimony. In my heart, I know this to be true. Makes perfect sense, really. And I have this strong conviction that it’s what I must do: share what I know, share what happened. But it scares the living daylights out of me. If people knew the half of it, if they were given a clear picture of what goes on inside of me, they’d tuck tail and run. I know I would. People like me make me uncomfortable. I know not what to say. Or even think, for that matter. I politely look for a way out, a step away, as if they might somehow rub off on me. I might catch their brand of crazy. There’s this Christian based 12-step recovery program that talks about healing your hurts, hang-ups and habits. Boy, do I have a boatload of those, heart and soul and mind fulls. I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no pill, no amount of counseling, no best friend or perfect mate that can fix this for me. I’ve spent a lifetime trying. I still do, to be honest. It’s a habit, this looking for relief in all the wrong places. Sounds like a country song; doesn’t it? But this is no laughing matter, no trite cliche or remark in passing. It’s a life, my life, and my way of being there is no escape from. “You were born this way,” they say. “It’s not your fault. The rest is history, the fallout of early childhood ” So, the tangled mess of it all, the idea of sharing rattles my bones, all these brittle dry bones. But then, that’s where real life originates; isn’t it.